Me, Myself, My Race and Her Pace? WTH!

     Last week was mostly unremarkable, no races, no PR's, no leaps of fearlessness and nobody gave me the magic formula for running 2 minutes a mile faster than I currently run now. Dang it! I ran with run club and had a good quality run on Tuesday, had a 8 mile mid-week run that I tripped over a speed bump in the sidewalk, Thursday I did a tempo run on a trail in the dark with my run group. That was a new experience, note to self buy a headlamp! I practiced my swimming on my own and I think it is improving.  My trainer Matt was on his honeymoon so I trained one day with my run coach Nate. That was fun because we dished the strength sessions and worked on run mechanics, form, cadence, and speed. The other day I trained with Ben the Tri coach and we followed the schedule. He noticed my gimpy left calf and reminded  me of a stretch to get deeper into the calf muscles and he worked on my angry peroneal tendons. As I mentioned not anything great happened just doing the work.

    Now Saturday I had my long, slow run on the schedule for 16 miles. I woke up early and could not get motivated. Not one part of me wanted to go outside a run for almost 4 hours. My run group was meeting at 6 am to run together but I knew not to run with them because I would try to keep their pace and not mine. I finally forced myself out the door about 10:30 am after eating a late breakfast.

     Miles 1-2 sucked no other word for it. My left calf hurt which was compromising my form I went super slow like 14:30's to warm it up and then stretched it which seemed to help.  After that I just coasted along  in the 13:30's average for the rest of the run. My breathing was good, my heart was beating along easy and my leg wasn't hurting at all. I ran up Turkey mountain, which isn't a mountain but it is a 200 ft elevation increase that is straight up at about mile 10, no problem. I coasted back down to the flat land and finished my 16.2 miles. Why the point 2 added on because I wanted to know how I would feel and think about having 10 more to do on race day. I didn't want to run another step. I could have run more but I didn't want to. My mind was numb, my legs were heavy, my feet were tired. It took 3:37:52 to do those 16 miles which means at that pace marathon time is about 5:49:30. I am 2.5 mile walk from home with a lot on my mind.

     Everybody says for your first marathon your only goal should be to finish on your feet and with a smile if possible. Everyone will tell you this, new marathon finishers, seasoned marathon finisher's, trainers, coaches, elites and famous trainers. All say the same thing: 1st marathon goal = just finish! Even I tell people that should be their only goal but now what I tell myself is something different. I tell myself yes I will finish and I want to finish under this time! It doesn't matter that I have not even been running a year yet, it doesn't matter that I just quit smoking a little over 3 months ago for good, it doesn't matter that I weigh in the 190's on a 5'3 frame. I will run a marathon, I will finish upright in a time less than someone who has been running for years at a 130 pounds and never smoked. These are the expectations I set for myself. Arrogant maybe, practical probably not, but the standards I hold myself to are higher than I expect from others.

     So on the walk home I ponder this, is my goal attainable, is it feasible, can I accept a different outcome? Is my first marathon experience going to be tarnished because I didn't finish in the time I wanted. That truthfully was picked because someone else set this goal and I wanted to compete. This person doesn't even know I am competing against them. This person has ran longer, run more races, never smoked and weighs 50 pounds less than I do. Yet I want to run my marathon in her time. That is the clincher My Marathon Her Time. That statement is asinine. It is My Marathon, My Time, My Experience, it is Mine!

     I don't know if I will finish my marathon in the time I chose probably not. I do know that I will do the training, the cross training, recovery, nutrition, hydration and foam rolling I need to do in order to finish.  I will put in all the unremarkable day in and day out training it takes to have the best marathon finish I can attain on that day under those circumstances with my life experiences. After all it is My Race!

Be Epic!
Michelle